Thyroid Biopsy Tips from a Seasoned Pro...

I've had six FNA (fine needle aspiration) biopsies. Three of them were horrible and the other three were just uncomfortable & stressful. The first three, I was numbed using lidocaine... which turns out hurts more than the actual biopsy needles, lol. On all six of them, they did 4 - 6 passes of the needle during each biopsy, so I got off easier than some people I've talked to. Bottom line - biopsies suck, but we all handle them (and pain) differently. Here are my tips for getting through it:

*BREATHE. You'll be stressed out because, well someone's about to repeatedly jam a needle into your neck... that's some unnerving shit. 

*ASK QUESTIONS. Ask everything you want. And definitely ask how many passes of the needle they will be making before they start. I count down out loud after each pass. It gives you some small sense of relief knowing you're that much closer to being DONE.
 
*When they say DON'T MOVE, don't fricking move. Don't swallow, cough, or clear your throat. The more still and well positioned you are, the faster it will all be over. Take a second before each pass to clear your throat and swallow, and ask a question or make a joke to lighten the mood. They're going to do the procedure regardless, so be comfortable while you're there.
 
*Don't be embarrassed about CRYING. I am a waterworks factory when they mess with my neck. It's your NECK, it's scary and stressful, and its makes you feel very vulnerable. Cry away.

*KEEP BREATHING, because it doesn't tickle. It's not awful like a broken bone, child birth, or a punch in the face (lol), but it will range from mild discomfort to white knuckling the table-side that you're laying on from the pressure being so bad. Just remember, it's over fairly quickly (depending on how many passes of the needle you need) and the counting down of each pass makes the time seem to go by a little faster. And keep in mind, if you hold your breath it causes your body to tense up, causing your muscles to be tense, causing you to stress even more than you already are. So breathe... juuuuust breathe (I know you're singing along... you're welcome).

*CHILL OUT for the remainder of the day. You may not have much physical pain after an FNA (minor sore throat, tenderness, and/or swelling & bruising), but you will be exhausted from having stressed over the upcoming appointment, the wait before the procedure, and then during the procedure. The TV or a good book, paired with the couch and a cup of tea is a nice way to celebrate your making it through the procedure without punching the person who performed it, lol.

This is just one person's opinions and experience, but after six of them, I think my tips are valid, lol. Biopsies suck, with a capitol UCK, but you've got this :)

Peas out... and BREATHE!!

Thyroidectomy & a Chicken Shit - part 1

For those of you that don't know, I've been dealing with Hypothyroidism since 2004... bleck!  And since about 2006, they've been keeping an eye on a nodule that has taken up residence on the backside of the left lobe of my thyroid... bothersome little shit.  So, after six (yep, I said SIX) biopsies over the years, it's been decided to have it removed.... ALL of it removed.  Here's the low down...

In mid-December, I had my follow up appointment to my final biopsy and molecular marker results at Moffitt Cancer Center, in Tampa FL. First and foremost, I do not have cancer. Whew! Now comes what they called the "grey area" part.

It seems that the nodule they've been following is positive for a certain mutation, meaning there's a 50/50 chance that IT'S cancerous. So, to be prudent, they'll be removing my thyroid (both lobes/sides). The left side (with the nodule) will be sent to the lab to determine if it's indeed cancerous or not. Better safe than sorry... I'm okay with that. And this will bring some long awaited closure regarding the "is it or isn't it" about my thyroid issues. I'm am soooo okay with that :)

Well, surgery is a short 5 days away and I have to admit, I'm scared. Not of having my thyroid removed, not of anything in particular... just that it's surgery and surgery is scary. And it's surgery on/in my neck... UG - gross, invasive, scary. I have my awesome hubs & friends that are reassuring and reminding me that everything will be fine, and I know that. But it doesn't change the fact that IT'S SCARY and I'm scared. Yuck. I wish it was tomorrow because I just want it over and done with... let the recovery process begin already, lol. Anyway, just thought I'd check in and say I'm still out here, just keeping busy and trying not to think about my hot date on February 26th. I'm meeting with the anesthesiologist on Tues (24th), so I'll be in touch. 

Rock on, my thyroid peeps :)

Peas (and thyroid) out!