Thyroid Biopsy Tips from a Seasoned Pro...

I've had six FNA (fine needle aspiration) biopsies. Three of them were horrible and the other three were just uncomfortable & stressful. The first three, I was numbed using lidocaine... which turns out hurts more than the actual biopsy needles, lol. On all six of them, they did 4 - 6 passes of the needle during each biopsy, so I got off easier than some people I've talked to. Bottom line - biopsies suck, but we all handle them (and pain) differently. Here are my tips for getting through it:

*BREATHE. You'll be stressed out because, well someone's about to repeatedly jam a needle into your neck... that's some unnerving shit. 

*ASK QUESTIONS. Ask everything you want. And definitely ask how many passes of the needle they will be making before they start. I count down out loud after each pass. It gives you some small sense of relief knowing you're that much closer to being DONE.
 
*When they say DON'T MOVE, don't fricking move. Don't swallow, cough, or clear your throat. The more still and well positioned you are, the faster it will all be over. Take a second before each pass to clear your throat and swallow, and ask a question or make a joke to lighten the mood. They're going to do the procedure regardless, so be comfortable while you're there.
 
*Don't be embarrassed about CRYING. I am a waterworks factory when they mess with my neck. It's your NECK, it's scary and stressful, and its makes you feel very vulnerable. Cry away.

*KEEP BREATHING, because it doesn't tickle. It's not awful like a broken bone, child birth, or a punch in the face (lol), but it will range from mild discomfort to white knuckling the table-side that you're laying on from the pressure being so bad. Just remember, it's over fairly quickly (depending on how many passes of the needle you need) and the counting down of each pass makes the time seem to go by a little faster. And keep in mind, if you hold your breath it causes your body to tense up, causing your muscles to be tense, causing you to stress even more than you already are. So breathe... juuuuust breathe (I know you're singing along... you're welcome).

*CHILL OUT for the remainder of the day. You may not have much physical pain after an FNA (minor sore throat, tenderness, and/or swelling & bruising), but you will be exhausted from having stressed over the upcoming appointment, the wait before the procedure, and then during the procedure. The TV or a good book, paired with the couch and a cup of tea is a nice way to celebrate your making it through the procedure without punching the person who performed it, lol.

This is just one person's opinions and experience, but after six of them, I think my tips are valid, lol. Biopsies suck, with a capitol UCK, but you've got this :)

Peas out... and BREATHE!!