Recovering catholic... it is what it is

So why now? Why start writing/blogging today?? It seems that an overdue call from my brother evoked a night's worth of stressful thoughts, pent up frustration and looming family questions. And that brought it all back... the guilt. Where in the world do I begin... is there an actual beginning without going back to the womb, lol?? Deep breath... I was going to start at NOW and go backwards; that's' right.

My live-in boyfriend and I are heading back to my hometown to visit my folks. This will be his first time meeting them and I'm terrified. You see, my parents are the Bunkers of the current era. My dad is the Irish, lovingly loud, over-bearing man of the house, who still calls women 'broads' and thinks that no one is good enough for me. And my mom is the meek, humorous, doting wife, who tries to "Mom" everyone, and is a little 'dizzy' sometimes; kinda like Edith, lol (and I'm following right in her footsteps, lol).  A few things about them? Well for one they're devout Catholics and visit church, if not go to a full mass, every day. I'm sorry, did I mention that they go EVERY DAY???  Guilt is a way of life people, lol. Another special treat is that they're not prejudice (seriously, they're not), but old school enough to innocently say 'those people' when referring to others of a different color, race or religion. without realizing that's a big no-no. How do children of 60-somethings and older, break this terrible habit? They're getting better, but UG. And one last thing I'd like to mention... they hate that I moved out of state. For the first two years, every phone call contained a toxic, guilt-ridden comment about how I "don't belong there" or "it's time to come home" or better yet "how can you do this to your mother". It will be 11 years in September and they still mention it on a regular basis. Really??

Which brings me to the angst I felt after hanging up the phone last night. Part of the discussion was that we need to start talking with my parents about where they want to 'be' when the time comes that they're too old to decide or take care of themselves. They're both quite proud of having everything arranged for their deaths - headstones, funeral, the works... right down to showing me the burial plot by the pretty tree, as my mom lay down on the grass to demonstrate. But they have yet to mention what they have planned for their ancient years.

When the line "well things change and you'd move back up here" rolled off of my brother's tongue, I could feel my face turning red. There was no argument or bitter words between us (as this was not an angry conversation), but for the first time he spoke about my moving... and I got to listen. He seems to think that I really 'lucked out' being the first to move away and how he's stuck there. So I reminded him of how much he and his wife love Virginia and had talked about moving there someday. Nope, can't do that. They would never let him do that. Again... really??

They're parents, right? Parents bring children into this world to raise and nurture them into bright, attentive people that will someday leave the nest, right? Wrong. In my family there seems to be a string attached to the nest that stipulates that you are only allowed to migrate within a 30 minute radius of the original nest. They are in New England. I am in Georgia. Do see my problem, lol? Yeah, well neither did I until last night. I am the problem. Not them or their disappointment or unhappiness of where I live. It's my inability to let go of the guilt and realize it's their issue to deal with, not mine.

An old wise man once told me "It is what it is..."... well, he's not really old, but pretty wise ;) Now to just figure out how to let it be...