Tuesday: Funny what an hour of running alone, a caring boyfriend, and great morning sex will do for you :) I feel good today, but I'm still thinking about what I wrote yesterday. It's like an out of body experience reading over what I wrote and how I felt. I guess I never remember how crappy I really feel after I'm not feeling that way an longer.
Wednesday: Man, I need to go on some good drugs, lol. Do I really get that depressed over my weight/body? Hmm, guess I do. Well, yesterday was a better day, and today is even better. My head seems be back on straight and I'm thinking clear. Have I figured out what my issue was/is? Who do I look like Dr. Phil?? (No? Good... he's an ass). Who am I kidding, thinking I can just take a day to reflect/meditate and figure out the what & why of my Debbie Downer days. I've got to just accept the fact that I'm human and am also among the gender with raging hormones that make me think like Charles Manson some days (hmm, me IS a genius, right??)
What I do know is that when I run, I seem grounded. No pun intended. I just need to find that something that keeps me motivated. It should be my reflection in the mirror or the little pink dress I have hanging in my closet that I want to slide into someday, but alas, it's not that easy. I guess I'm going to borrow a phrase from AA that got my dad through his 20 years... one day at a time. That's all I can do. That's all any of us can do, right? Just try to do our best each day and be in the 'now' (thanks Jeff). That's my step 1. Not too sure if I'll have 11 more or not, lol.
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